Top 30 Indications You Live in a Liberal Stake:
30. Most of the men have long hair; most of the women have short hair.
29. Members frequently use the term, "international church."
28. The singles' ward has better Home/Visiting Teaching statistics than the family wards.
27. The flagpole hasn't been painted since Ezra Taft Benson was prophet.
26. The flag hasn't quite made it up the flagpole since Ezra Taft Benson was prophet.
25. Flag? What flag?
24. No bubble perms on women (or men--see #30).
23. Very few, if any, men are wearing white shirts.
22. Most members of the Bishoprics, High Council, and Stake Presidency sport facial hair in one form or another.
21. The Relief Society President attends PEC. Every week.
20. There are no lawyers or orthodontists in high-profile leadership positions.
19. Primary children are permitted to "drum" when singing "Book of Mormon Stories."
18. No "Rush is Right" bumper stickers in the parking lot.
17. No faded "Happiness is Family Home Evening" bumper stickers in the parking lot.
16. No 1970's-era station wagons or vans in the parking lot, with or without the aforementioned bumper stickers.
15. None of these aforementioned station wagons or vans can be found at the neighborhood PriceCostco.
14. The Laurels don't flirt with the missionaries--the Beehives do.
13. No ward picnic on or around July 24.
12. Portraits of past Relief Society presidents are prominently displayed in the foyer--but no apostles.
11. Nobody in a leadership position uses a Franklin Day Planner.
10. The red punch actually tastes good.
9. The Relief Society doesn't own a lace doily tablecloth.
8. The Stake President is quoted in the local liberal rag.
7. During the weekly announcement from the pulpit, the Ward Magazine Rep pushes "Sunstone" and "Dialogue."
6. None of the Young Women wear hair bows, floral print dresses, or lace collars.
5. Ezra Taft Benson is never quoted in any meeting (not even the "Pride" talk).
4. The Relief Society Presidency all wear Birkenstocks to church on Sunday.
3. Multi-whole-grain sacrament bread.
2. The General Handbook of Instructions is supporting the broken leg on the bishop's desk.
1. Members prefer to be called "Mormons" rather than "Latter-day Saints."
© 1995 by Heather M. Laurence
(Whose mother IS the Birkenstock-wearing, PEC-attending Relief Society president mentioned above.)