10. Your Bishop is just an "Assistant Bishop" until he gets tenure.
9. The YM and YW fireside is the "Abraham Lecture Series."
8. The Homemaking lesson is on the difference between Anthropomorphic and Theomorphic concepts of diety.
7. Your High Priest Group Leader only quotes from the 1830 edition of the Book of Mormon because it more accurately reflects the ancient Hebraisms than the current edition.
6. The ward library is completely stocked with volumes of the Apostolic Fathers, the Nag Hammadi texts and the Dead Sea Scrolls but you couldn't find a copy of "What is Real?" to save your life.
5. In order to go from the Gospel Essentials class to Gospel Doctrine class, each new member has to complete a comprehensive exam, a thesis, and an oral defense in front of the Ward Council.
4. The most common name used for naming and blessing children is "Hugh."
3. You wonder which would be easier...learning Spanish so you can understand the Spanish Gospel Doctrine class or learning Ancient Greek so you can understand the English Gospel Doctrine class.
2. All testimonies must be given in the original Hebrew.
1. You give your home-teaching lessons out of FARMS "Insights" instead of the Ensign.
Written by Travis Clark, Nov 1999
Modified by Mike Parker